This year, my goal is to better document my life not only thru blogposts and photos but most especially thru videos. So far, I’ve been enjoying my new personal project. I have a very limited short term memory. I write in my journal because I have trouble remembering even what happened during the day, let alone the weekend. Now, I can get to see what happened to my weekend while putting up these little vlogs. And even though it’s posted on youtube for all the world to see, it’s mostly for me, really. I’ve been enjoying looking back on what our weekends were like while editing. I am a creature of youtube. I enjoy youtube than any other form of entertainment. And as voyeuristic as it may sound, I enjoy vlogs. I enjoy watching other youtube vloggers — ordinary, relatable people — some I’ve seen their family grow and kids grow up. I find it fascinating that they have something tangible to look back to, and not just draw from a vague memory. Yes, one day I look forward to looking back thru these vlogs further down the memory lane. I’m sure my future self will be thankful for it.
The last couple of weeks, I’ve been cranking one vlog after the other. One, because I enjoy editing. Two, because I have a limited disk space and video clips tend to pile up. But most importantly, my goal is by the end of January, I’m updated with the vlogs. I think that if something you do doesn’t give you anything back in return, but you keep doing it, it’s not just about love or passion. It’s a practice on discipline. And I aim to continuously improve on my discipline. And storytelling.
I reek of optimism as soon as I wake up. I love the smell of possibilities coming off the coffee beans I grind every morning. If there is anything I am proud of among my many qualities, I am a move forward kind of girl. We can’t do anything about yesterday but today is another chance to go at it. Good thing, I’m mostly alone most days when I wake up because it, admittedly, can get annoying. This optimism — and annoyance — kicks up a couple of notches after Christmas. My favorite holiday is coming up.
Two days before the new year, I had my spreads ready. My calendar was prepped for the new year. I kept a habit tracker for the last three months. For those three months, there’s a gaping hole on all boxes which should be marked – either because I didn’t do them or I didn’t mark it when I actually did them and forgot about it. All of them are incomplete, only proving I have bad habits and is bad at keeping track of my bad habits. But we move forward, so a new habit tracker for January was all squared and lined up. My creative content schedule had all the dates mapped out – ready to be filled in. I was ready to ring in the new year.
I was so ready for 2017.
I watched the fireworks from our balcony as the clock striked midnight. Three years ago, my money-burning neighbors would start lighting up big flashy fireworks starting 9 pm, and I had the best seat in the house. For the next succeeding years, the fireworks in my neighborhood started to become more modest. This year’s light show wasn’t as impressive as years past, but somehow my asthmatic self was thankful for it. Maybe people realized that abundance is better served in the media noche table or maybe, change did indeed come. It was drizzling too, at the turn of the new year. I closed the door when another neighbor unleashed his final hurrah — a terrorist-cell level judas belt that turned into a black mushroom cloud probably seven or eight houses down my street. I prayed for a heavier rain. Wash it all away — the smoke, the fireworks, the ashes, the political turmoil, the heartaches.
Wash 2016 away. I think as the clock struck 12, the entire world collectively breathed a sigh of relief.
I was supposed to write a fresh new blogpost on the first of the year, as soon as I wake up, and one consistently for the following days for the rest of my days. I was also supposed to edit a video that will be scheduled for Tuesday; There will be a youtube video Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. A new year, A new start. I live for this moment.
THEN, on January 1, we visited and prayed with lolo, had a family lunch, shopped clothes and reached my shopping quota for the year at Cotton On, watched Sunday Beauty Queen, went to a wake and then went on to ‘pagpag’ at a full packed Bugis at Banawe. After, I packed my base camp duffel bag and napped. Then, a couple of hours after midnight, I was in NAIA terminal 2 with two of my closest friends and spent the next few days in a lovely resort where you won’t be reminded by your worries because there was negligible internet speed.
So, I’m never good with the whole resolutions, ‘new year, new me’ hype. I never claim to be.
But I’m good with moving on.
Notice I didn’t consider the events following the the turn of the new year as an excuse not to follow thru with my writing plans. THEN, not BUT. Sure, I didn’t set 2017 off as planned, but life happened, and life is beautiful. January 1st was a massive quality time with family and with Jr, a much needed capping off the holidaze. The trip to Cebu was also a much needed make up time for long distance, precious friendships. In the recent years, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a great multitasker. I can only pour so much of myself at any given time on one thing. I can not give myself fully in the moment while writing/capturing the moment. I am not going to work on being a multitasker either, but here’s what I’m going to be working on: always my best effort. Writing, creating, cooking, loving, laughing, making people laugh, being a friend, being a wife, being a person, living — nothing half-assed. Best effort lang.
I always found the clap back ‘ikaw na‘ annoying. There’s nothing wrong with doing your best and people whose only reaction to your best effort is ‘ikaw na‘ do not contribute to the conversation and consequently, to your life. Dismiss it, and them. There’s a word going around recently that I found more to my liking: GINALINGAN. So that, my friends, is my year’s marching orders. Adopt if you must. In everything we do, leave everything on the table. Go all in. The standards are yours to set and it should not depend on the approval of others, or in more abreast terms, ‘likes’. You do you the best you can that when you glance back, you can say, ‘Ay, ginalingan‘.