… and we’re back.
For a whole month, I was trying to figure our how and when to put in the time to sit down and write or edit videos. I was thinking I can do it after work. I’m at home by 6 pm and I should be able to just type for two hours like it’s no big deal. And then I get home, and all I want to do is go to the shower and take the day — all the smoke and grime and pent up summer heat — literally off me, and climb to bed by 8 pm. And then I’d bargain. I can write at 2 am. When I was in college, I would wake up at 2 am to study. Every person has that golden hour where your brain just absorbs everything and mine was at around 3-4 am. That should still work for me, right? And then my body refuses to wake up until 6 am. Yes, for about a month since starting full time work again, I hibernate for 10 hours.
And then on weekends, I take a good 2 hour midday nap.
Long gone are the days when I would sleep at 2 am and wake up at 6 am without a problem. These days, if I sleep at 10 pm — a couple of hours after my bedtime — it would take me a week to recover the rest I lost for 2 mere hours. I am old. And I am not fighting it.
Whereas before when I would stress over the fact that I should be more productive of my time, that maybe I should sleep less during the weekdays, fight the tiredness at night and just go at it and power through the pain, nowadays I just embrace it. If I’m tired, I am tired. If my body wants to sleep at 8 pm, I will sleep at 8 pm. If my body tells me I’ll have a better day if I wake up at 6 am, then by god, I will rise from bed no earlier than 6 am.
There are things you start to let go. When you have little time to spare, you begin to realize what’s really important in your life worth sparing time on. I still go home to a clean house because the little time I have between 6 am to 8:30 am, minus breakfast and shower time goes to fixing my little home. There is nothing like going home tired from work to your clean happy place. At the end of a tiring work day, I come home and drop everything on the floor and rush to the shower. And then, when I’m fresh and clean, I’d tune out to my afternoon teleseryes on iwantv.
You know what’s first to go? Instagram. And then, the blog. And then, youtube. I think I only have time for twitter. I can only take social media now at 140 characters at a time. No lengthy post. No stressful comments section. I have no time to spare for unnecessary stress.
As much as you need your downtime once in a while, you also need quick bursts of time when you’re suddenly swamped. Downtime teaches you to relax. When I quit work, I taught myself to be less anxious and to embrace my free time. I have lived out enough chapters in my life to know that the luxury of doing nothing won’t last long and I should just enjoy it and not worry about “the next thing”, because inevitably, it will come. “Full plate” time teaches you where your priorities lie. I am learning the value of hard manual work, and like I’ve always thought, that I actually enjoy it more than an office job. I learned that archiving my life is important to me, and that I do it for very personal reasons. Sharing it for the world to drop by and peek in is secondary, putting it up on social media is a hobby, something I do because hey, it’s free. But while posting on facebook or instagram or the blog or youtube appears to not be not that immediate for me, I still journal, and that is what’s important. I live my life and then I take time to write about it. Even if it’s just for me.
Eventually, I will fall again into a routine. But I guess to theme is to embrace it. Embrace the tiredness, the confusion, the constant adjusting. These are exciting times.
Watch the video here: